Are you a people pleaser?
What Does It Mean to Be a People-Pleaser?
In simple terms, it often involves putting others’ needs above your own to gain approval, avoid conflict, or maintain harmony.
It isn’t always negative—wanting to help others is a natural and often positive trait. The problem arises when it consistently comes at the cost of personal well-being or boundaries.
Signs You Might Be a People-Pleaser
You have difficulty saying no: Feeling guilty or anxious about refusing requests, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.
You are constantly seeking approval or validation: Constantly needing praise, fearing disapproval, or adjusting behaviour based on what others might think.
You are always avoiding conflict: Avoiding confrontation to keep peace, often by sacrificing personal needs.
You are overcommitting yourself: Taking on too many responsibilities to help others, often leading to burnout.
You feel resentful or drained: Noticing resentment toward others for "taking advantage" of your kindness, despite not setting boundaries.
The Root Causes of People-Pleasing
Being fearful of rejection or disapproval: Many people-pleasers struggle with fear of rejection or being disliked, which can stem from past experiences or beliefs.
Having self-worth issues: People-pleasing can be tied to a belief that worth is tied to what you do for others rather than who you are.
Habitual Patterns: Sometimes, people-pleasing is simply a pattern developed over time, especially in families or communities that reinforce this behaviour.
How People-Pleasing Impacts Your Life
Constant people-pleasing can lead to burnout, stress, and resentment over time.
It can create imbalanced relationships, where one person’s needs are prioritised over another’s.
It can erode self-identity, as people-pleasers often lose sight of their own needs, desires, and boundaries.
Steps to Break Free from People-Pleasing
Acknowledgement and acceptance of the pattern: Recognising that you’re a people-pleaser is the first step toward change.
Practice saying NO: Start small and work up to setting firmer boundaries.
Focus on your self-care: Remind yourself that your needs are valid, and practice prioritising them without guilt.
Challenging your negative thoughts: Address any self-critical thoughts that arise when you start to set boundaries, especially those tied to self-worth.
Get support : Whether through friends, therapy, or life coaching, having support can help you feel less alone and more empowered.
The Benefits of Letting Go of People-Pleasing
Overcoming people-pleasing habits can lead to:
Stronger relationships
Improved self-esteem
Greater fulfillment.
Taking the First Step
Think about and reflect on your habits. If you recognise people-pleasing tendencies in yourself, start taking small steps toward healthier boundaries and self-care.
Consider your values and what is important to you prioritise your values over trying to please people
Contact me to see how I can help you.